Our breastfeeding experience will sadly be coming to and end soon, as I have to start taking my statins again, but I wanted to share with you the daily breastfeeding antics my 13 month old gets up to at the moment.
Breastfeeding a newborn is a calm and loving activity. Okay, it’s not without it’s own issues but having a breastfed toddler is a completely different kettle of fish altogether! If any of you have ever breastfed a toddler or older child you will completely understand where I am coming from with this humorous little post.
This is a typical day of breastfeeds as seen through the eyes of my breastfed toddler:
Oh look Mami is asleep, but I want booby and I’m still tired*cries* There it is! mmm, nice milk.
This booby is rubbish, wait there’s another one round here somewhere. I’m sure this face is the easiest route over, oh no!!! Where have Mami’s eyes gone? Let me just poke this bit of skin, ah there they are! Mmm, nice milk.
repeat every 20-30 minutes until around 6am
Right I’m done sleeping I want to play. Oh look Mami’s phone, this is the best chew toy ever invented! It’s also really good for hitting mami across the head with.
‘Hiya’ hmm, she’s not listening
‘HIYA’ If I get right up close to her face she can hear me better ‘HIYA’
Wonder what’s up these nose holes, wow my finger can get up really far! How much nose can I fit in my mouth? Oh this is an even better chew toy!
Yay, we’re going downstairs! Let me just twiddle with this booby while we walk.
I wanted booby, even tried to find one down Mami’s top. I can smell them and hugged them and blew a raspberry on a bit sticking out the top of Mami’s t-shirt but all I got was this bottle of dodgy stuff. Mami calls it oat milk. I’m not convinced but it’s better than nothing I guess.
I really want booby, let me sneak up under Mami’s top before she realises. haha, Mami’s belly is wobbly and my finger disappears right inside her belly button! Where was I? Oh yes!
Now I know they’re up here somewhere, Yay! There they are! Let me just check it looks okay, poke that sticky out bit. Give it a squish. Yup looking good!
lunges forward and faceplants boob
Nice bit of milk, laying down is boring though, wonder how high I can get my bum up in the air.
Hmm, I think I can get my foot up onto Mami’s shoulder. Maybe the other one too?
Okay that was easy, lets see if I can do the same on the other shoulder.
phew I need a rest now.
Lets just sit here a minute. What’s that noise over there?
Wait why is she putting it away?
No I don’t want it woman, but you can’t put it away!
Okay, actually I will have some more, that TV programme looks cool, I wonder how far this will stretch so I can see the screen?
Okay I’m done,
no…. yup bye booby.
Changed my mind, think I’ll have a little more after all. Lets see if I can stand on the floor and play with my toys at the same time? No? oh well toys it is.
I’m quite tired after my lunch so I think I’ll lay down and have a nice bit of milk.
Oh there’s those nose holes again, yup my fingers go in so why Mami won’t let me I don’t know. I wonder if my toes will fit in too?
Mami is so boring and won’t even let me try! Lets see what’s inside this big mouth hole then, oh yes teeth! Can I pull them out? Hmm no…
There’s that funny little metal ball stuck on Mami’s tongue, I can grab it but Mami won’t even let me pull it so I can look at it up close.
Oh, I’m tired. If I twist and lay on my tummy I’ll be really comfy, yes that’s better.
After napping the afternoon is spent playing, climbing and generally getting into all manner of mischief!
3.30pm I hurt myself and Mami is hugging me. I don’t want booby but snuggling up to them and putting my hand down Mami’s top just to check they’re still there make me feels so much better ‘Ahhhh’
Back to mischief making!
4.45pm I’m a bit tired and hungry so I’m in grump! Milk is making me feel so much better though, I like to fiddle with the other one just to check its still there. I have to squeeze really hard sometimes just in case its a fake one. I don’t think Mami likes that too much as she makes a shouty noise. A jobs a job though right?
just enough time for a play, tea and a bath before bedtime
I used to get booby for bed but for some silly reason Mami seems to think I need to learn to fall asleep by myself now! She puts me in my cot with a bottle of that funky milk and lays down on the bed next to me. Sometimes she likes to try and stroke my tummy or legs through the bars, but I don’t like that so I swiftly push her hand back out of my cot.
You made up these new rules Mother!
After I finish my bottle sometimes I’m not ready to go to sleep, I let Mami know by grumping and whining, but she’s a meany and never lets me out, she even insists on singing songs to me so I just turn away from her and ignore her, I’m never quite sure what happens after that…
But tonight I’m really sleepy. I like kisses though so I make sure Mami doesn’t forget about me by sticking my mouth between the bars till she kisses me. I do it a lot, in between laying on my pillow, just to make sure because you can’t be too careful with these Mami’s you know!
Now I’m supposed to spend the night in my cot but I think that’s too far away from the boobies, more often than not I can be found somewhere like this:
Have you or are you currently breastfeeding a toddler or older child? Is yours an expert in ‘nursetastics’ like O is? Or are you lucky to get a gentle and calm feeder? Honestly they do exist, my eldest son was one! I’d love to hear about your toddlers breastfeeding antics. x