sisters Archives - Mami To Five

A Letter To my Daughters

I have attempted to type this letter to my daughters on numerous occasions over the last few weeks and have given up. I think the cold, clinical effort of typing onto a screen was just too impersonal. It’s just so easy to hit delete and edit as you go along, taking with it the minute details that seem trivial, or too raw at the time, yet are equally important thoughts that simple disappear into oblivion. In the end I have written this first on paper, and while I type it up now all the scribbled out words, even whole paragraphs are still there, reminding me of the emotions I felt when I wrote them.

My darling girls,

This last year or so have been extremely difficult for me, for all of us. I seem to spend my entire time shouting, dishing out chores, punishing, removing privileges. The giggling, joking and deep conversations seem to be getting fewer and farther between. We have had some tough experiences that I wish we will never have to go through again, but you are teenage girls. With that status comes the inevitable boy troubles, the friendship disasters and school issues.

As much as I would like you all to be strong independent young ladies who laugh at the thought of being tied down by boyfriends until you’re at least, oh, thirty five? I think that might be a futile wish. Even if you won’t admit it to anyone at the time I know that there will be times that you will hurt, and it will feel like the worst hurt in the world and that you’ll never recover, but you will. You’ll dust yourself off, wipe away the tears and be all the stronger for it.

I know right know that it feels like your dad and I are on your backs about something or another, that we can barely hold a conversation without arguing, that it feels like we are having a go at you more than everyone else.

Sometimes I feel that way too.

Please remember that we are new at this teenage thing too. Yes we have been through it ourselves but not from this side and not in this day and age of instant communication and technology.

Please be patient as we learn how to parent these strong independent people we brought you up to be.It’s not easy when you are all so different from each other,you each require precise methods to get the best out of you, we are still struggling a bit with the fine tuning.

We know, no matter what happens now, that one day will be fine women, we brought you up after all, how could we fail? We raised you to speak your minds, value your own opinions, be a little sassy if the moment calls for it and to also be as sarcastic as they come. You have been surrounded by some of the smartest mouths in existence on both sides of the family so that last one was inevitable!

Maybe where we did you a disservice was to not teach you quite so well when to hold your tongue. That there’s a time and a place to be sassy and opinionated and a time to be more reserved and accommodating.

We know that the teenage brain isn’t wired to admit defeat, or submit to authority and that you are in a rush to grow up and spread your wings. But please slow down, for my sake. I can’t keep you my little girls forever so give me these last few years of your childhood before rushing into the next phase in life. Although you will always be my little girls, no matter how old you are.

This battle of the wills we have going on right now doesn’t need to have winners or losers at the end . The plan is that we all come out the other side of these teenage years as winning parties.

You, as the smart, kind, generous, talented, caring, yet still strong willed, independent, a little bit sassy and sarcastic (but knowing when to curb your tongue and say “of course, right away” when you need to).

Us, as the slightly greyer parents of three wonderful young ladies who will one day change the world with their strong opinions and enthusiasm.

But for now? Can we please try and at least get to 7.30am without an argument? No? Okay, I’ll see you on the other side.

Mami xxx

My Sunday Photo ~ The Look

Not quite sure what went on in the second before I took this shot!

Oh we do like to be besides the seaside, with a hermit crab!

We recently spent a lovely hour at the seaside. Sadly we were a few men down as Dadi was in work and LV was staying over at his cousin’s house. He was actually a bit gutted that we’d gone without him, but he’d been given the option of being dropped off later and chosen not to. I have however promised to take them all again soon!

O on his sand throne surrounded by his minions umm I mean sisters!

I’m not much of a beach person myself, I just can’t see what is so much fun about sitting around in the boiling hot sun for hours on end having to apply a ton of sun tan lotion first, just to protect you from it! Personally? I would much rather be in the shade, better yet inside a nice cool building. My mother actually has a photo of me, around age 11, on holidays in Majorca. All you can see is towels draped over the side of a sun lounger and I am asleep and hiding from the sun underneath! I would happily still do this now.

My kids however? Love the beach. They could happily play in the sea, make entire sand villages and sculptures(castles are for mere beginners) and kick a ball around all day. They have no issue of eating gritty sandwiches and having everything taste like salt.

It was quite overcast at our house, which was one of the reasons I suggested we go to the beach in the first place, but lo and behold, only 20 minutes away and the beach was beautiful and sunny. There was barely a cloud in the sky.

The girls were soon running off down to the water after leaving me and O to look after the bags and shoes and glasses and everything else that might get washed away to sea!

Where you lot going?

But we didn’t let them have all the fun. O enjoyed scratching and poking the sand with a stick one of his sisters had given him on the walk down the pebbles. The same stick that actually went up my nose as I carried him over said pebbles in my Maya wrap. Ouch!

He loved rolling the football back and forth and playing the ‘take my hat off and throw it so Mami can put it back on again game’ he really loved that one 😉

I also got a bit artistic, well I tried anyway:

O putting the finishing touches to his name 🙂

But the best part for the kids was seeing this little feller:

They were fascinated watching him scuttling around and couldn’t get over how big he was compared to the size of the shell. We had an impromptu bit of learning as I tried to remember everything I know about hermit crabs, seems its not that much, but they loved the idea of crabs moving house! I did catch some more video but I had O in my arms and he was literally screaming and pointing as he wanted the crab! Luckily he soon forgot about it when he went to play with the girls.

Literally as I sit typing this I have learnt, via the lovely @_MummaCass, that in Australia hermit crabs are popular kids pets and some people even give them painted shells to live in! I can’t wait to tell the kids this in the morning. Although I’m sure there will be complaints that they cant have one!

Anywho, back on topic. Our trip was drawn to an end by the rapidly rising tide so we all piled back into the car for the girls to change. I had a bit of a giggle as, even after I’d reminded them six times, none of them had brought any clean drawers with them so they ended up ‘going commando’ on the drive home which luckily they found hilarious!

Are you like my kids and love the sun and the beach? Or do your prefer to hide away in the shade like I do? I’d love to hear from you x

I am linking this up to my very first linky! Summer Days is the place for all of your summer related posts so feel free to jump across and link up your own posts, recipes or crafts. Any and all welcome 🙂

Word of the Week

This is the first time that I am linking up with the ‘Word of the Week’ linky over at The Reading Residence. I found it a few weeks ago but this is the first week I have really had a word that sums up my entire week, apart from exhausted that is! That word is:

Today is a bittersweet day for me. My darling twin baby girls have turned 13 and we have officially been thrown into the world of teens, times two!

We have already had at least a year of build up to this with the tween stage, filled with the burden of impending hormones, boyfriends, hormones, girlfriends and let me tell you the girl friendships are much more complicated than any other relationship, more hormones, I think you get the picture about the hormones?

But even though we have been dealing with all the You hate me don’t you’s and But that’s not fair’s and the crying, eye rolling and sighing I fear the worst is yet to come! Any of you fellow Brits should know of Harry Enfield’s ‘Kevin’ character? Well we didn’t wake up to that this morning, but I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time. Before I know it, I will have two sullen faced teens, with bizarre dress senses who are incapable of rising from bed until 3pm can’t possibly be expected to do chores and who find it impossible to be polite to us.

Until that angst ridden pair arrive I will savour the moments with my, more often than not, sweet girls. Who still have the ability to think rationally, sometimes, are often silly and gossipy and will still hold my hand and give me a kiss in public.

It is strange to think that 13 years ago I was a nervous 18 year old trying to figure out how to hold two tiny floppy babies at once and now I’m a mother of teenagers who are just creeping past me in height and shoe size and haven’t stopped yet! But they will always be my little girls, even when they are 23, or even 53!

Do you get a little sad even though you are excited when your children reach certain milestones? Like reaching a special age, 1, 13, 18 etc? Or on the first day of primary school, secondary school, college? Let me know.

The problem with having lots of children

I had a commenter on my last post who coined some phrases that really got me thinking.
This is what the moon is a naked banana had to say:

Collective untruth is difficult to deal with. And that is one of the wonderful

things about siblings. It’s one in, all in.

and

‘Similar to collective persuasion, or collective bribery, or … or ….

You’re lost once you have more than 2 children!’

And honestly? I think they are right! As much as our four oldest bicker and squabble they do stand together against their father and I at least once or twice a day. What am I supposed to say when they are all denying that they even took the milk out of the fridge let alone left it open and sitting on the work surface. Or when someone has tipped cereal all over the table and not cleaned it up, yet amazingly nobody tipped the cereal. Deny, deny, deny really does seem to be their mantra.

I hate to imagine how many times I have been bombarded with 4 separate but simultaneous conversations and then 5 minutes later when I’ve had time to process the situation find that I have agreed to something without even realising it! My reaction is usually wonder and awe at how they manage it rather than annoyance.

Then there are the times they ask me when I am obviously stressed or under pressure and agree just to get them to stop pestering! I often don’t realise of course until they feel that it is time to cash in on my promise of a trip somewhere, or ice cream, or whatever else took their fancy. They can keep these promises quiet for months and spring them on me at any given moment that conversation usually goes a little like this:

Them: Mami, you remember you told us we could go to THAT PLACE?

Me: Ummm?*runs through every conversation we’ve had over the last two weeks*

Them: Well, Dadi said that we’re not doing anything tomorrow, and the weather is going to be nice.

Me: Right?

Them: And you did promise, so can we go? Please? Huh? Pleeeeaaase?

Me: When did I promise? I don’t think I remember saying that.

Them: Yes, you remember that time when the dinner was burning, the baby was screaming, and you were helping LV make that school project, while juggling.

Okay, I might have exaggerated there a bit but you get the picture. The planning they put into these conversations is fantastic they manage to ask only for things that are suitable for a given day, for example the local country park on a warm day or an indoor activity on rainy days. They even manage to play us off against each other. Plus they never, ever forget! I have been reminded of these promises I apparently made years and years earlier!

My husband and I often find ourselves looking at four pairs of puppy eyes asking for something, the ‘oh please Mami, we promise ….(insert any good deed imaginable) if you give/let us…’ When we send them away with a resounding ‘No!’ We will eventually get them trickling back one after the other over the next few hours, or days with their individual pleas.

There are even times that they know when to pull out the big guns. What is this secret weapon you ask? It is none other than the baby brother!

LV at 5 years old. Would you be able to say no to that face?

For almost seven years, until O was born, LV was the baby. If there was some stubborn situations that hubby and I refused to budge on he would be the one sent down with his quivery bottom lip and big brown eyes. Softly whimpering things like ‘but I think I would have really liked to go there’ or ‘I really do like ice cream Mami!’

Luckily for me he has had a bit if a growth spurt, and a big boy haircut, over the last 6 months and of course he is now no longer the baby so his effect is waning but I’m sure they will all train O well, in the ways if parental wrangling. They have had a trial run with LV so they will now know all the best tricks and I’m sure he will be a formidable ally for them.

Now don’t think we are push overs. Yes our children outnumber us but they rarely actually get their own way on things we don’t want to do or give them anyway. But these kids really do have some power of persuasion in their little gang. And that is great!But it seems their loyalties only run so deep. They will defend each other to the last, unless of course they have actually been caught out doing something then they will instantly try and blame it on someone else. Also, I actually brought this subject up with them the other day and E said that, one day they should all claim it was them, just as a change, they them all looked at each other and decided that was a bad idea as what if they said it first and no one else did too, so I feel there may be chance for me to use a little reverse psychology in the future!

So how about you? Do you often find yourselves being outwitted by your children? Do they use their collective powers to persuade, or even trick, you into doing or giving them something? I’d love to know we are not alone! Let me know in the comments.